The 1984 version of Red Dawn, directed by John Milius, was a jingoistic action adventure of its time, for its time.
Released during the icy chill of The Cold War, the simplistic story of a group of plucky US teenagers fighting back against invading Soviet forces was a rousing call to arms to America against its military rival.
Patrick Swayze, C Thomas Howell and Charlie Sheen lent the film a certain cache that wooed audiences despite the lukewarm reviews.
Fast forward more than 25 years and global politics have changed beyond recognition.
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Alas, Dan Bradley's laboured remake hasn't moved with the times.
Screenwriters Carls Ellsworth and Jeremy Passmore snigger in the face of plausibility, and they have no firm grasp of characterisation or dialogue.
Their hunky hero is US Marine Jed Eckert (Chris Hemsworth), who returns home to Spokane, Washington to be reunited with his father, Police Sergeant Tom Eckert (Brett Cullen), and reckless younger brother Matt (Josh Peck).
No sooner has Jed unpacked his kit bag than troops led by Captain Cho (Will Yun Lee) parachute into Spokane, guns a-blazing.
Jed escapes with Matt and his cheerleader girlfriend Erica (Isabel Lucas) plus a few classmates including techno-geek Robert (Josh Hutcherson).
With surprising ease, Jed moulds his untrained charges into a tactically astute fighting machine, capable of taking down dozens of heavily armed North Korean soldiers without sustaining injury.
"When you're all fighting in your own backyard, when you're fighting for your family, it makes a little more sense. For them, this is just a place. For us, this is our home!" barks Jed.
The new incarnation of Red Dawn is ludicrous and lacklustre.
Director Dan Bradley cannot disguise gaping plot holes or the script's ham-fisted attempt to splice global politics with propulsive action sequences and hoary teen angst.
The attractive, young cast deliver mediocre performances that are lost in the melee of explosions and Ramin Djawadi's bombastic score.
When Hutcherson's avid video gamer laments, "We're living Call Of Duty – and it sucks," he succinctly sums up our feelings.