Stu: What are you laughing about?

Statto: I'm still laughing at you.

Stu: Charming.

Statto: I'm still chuckling about that row you had with TV fashion guru Gok Wan and his cameraman the other week.

Stu: When they were filming in Lincoln and I got sent to take some pictures?

Statto: Yup! I've been telling everyone about it, it's hilarious!

Stu: Looking back, it was quite funny I suppose.

Statto: Funny? It's hysterical.

Stu: Well they started it! They were filming in a public place and I wasn't in the way, yet he still went all showbiz on me and flounced off into a coffee shop.

Statto: And then the cameraman started on you.

Stu: I know! He put my back up a bit.

Statto: A bit? You were having a full-scale row in the street!

Stu: Well, I, errr?

Statto: Go on, tell everyone the end bit of the "conversation" between you and the angry cameraman.

Stu: OK, OK, if it'll shut you up. Well, after much flouncing into coffee shops and shouting, it went something a bit like this

Cameraman – You're in the effing way

Me – How can I be in the effing way'? I'm stood 20 metres away and behind you!

Cameraman – Eff off.

Me – You eff off.

Cameraman – You're a t***.

Me – I think you'll find you're the one being a t***.

Pause

Me – So hang on, are you saying that he won't come out and start filming again because I'm stood down the road, taking a few stills?

Cameraman – Yes.

Me – Well I think you'll find that it's actually him who's the t*** then!

Cameraman – Eff off, you don't know anything about his life or what he has to put up with.

Me – And he doesn't know anything about my life or what I have to put up with.

Cameraman – You should have asked permission.

Me – For the umpteenth time, I don't need to ask permission, this is a public street, not a closed set!

Cameraman – Look, just eff off. He can't film while he's being watched and photographed.

Me – He's filming a programme about buying a new pair of trousers, he isn't remaking War and Peace!

Cameraman – (Silence)

Me – Well, at least you've all got a sense of perspective on it.

Stu: At which point I left.

Statto: Hilarious!

Stu: Pathetic more like! If you don't want people looking at you and photographing you while you're working, then maybe a job as a TV presenter isn't the best career for you!

Statto: True.

Stu: The best bit was, there was a woman stood next to me taking pictures on her phone, and they never said a word to her!

Statto: I can't imagine 80s fashion legend Jeff Banks kicking off like that can you?

Stu: I'd like to think not. I always thought that when Jeff Banks had his beard, he looked like Sir Alan Sugar. I used to always get them mixed up back in the 80s.

Statto: Well I think he'd definitely kick-off if you mistook him for Alan Sugar!

Stu: As would Alan Sugar! 'Hi Jeff, can you knock me up a suit? What do you mean 'you're fired'?....Oh, I see".

Statto: Bit of Jeff Banks triv' for you mate.

Stu: It doesn't matter what the subject is, you've always got some triv' on them haven't you?

Statto: Yup!

Stu: Go on then, I'm sure somebody reading this will be interested.

Statto: 80s fashion legend Jeff Banks used to be married to Sandie Shaw.

Stu: The bloke who used to read News At Ten?

Statto: Sandie Shaw, the singer! Not Sandy Gall!

Stu: Oh.

Statto: If it's any consolation I upset Danny La Rue once.

Stu: What did you say?

Statto: I asked him how he got started dressing up as a woman.

Stu: What did he say?

Statto: Dunno – he slammed the phone down on me.

Stu: That's a bit harsh.

Statto: I know! My next question was going to be 'Do you push your bits between your legs to make yourself look like a woman?'

Stu: Now that would have been worth a strop, not like Gok Wan. I tell you, I wasn't out of order.

Statto: Let it go mate. Like the cameraman said, you don't know what he has to put up with.

Stu: He gets to see women naked!

Statto: To be fair they're, how can I put this? They're all middle-aged and low on self-esteem.

Stu: That's my target market!

Statto: Still, you couldn't just ask a woman if you could see her naked. Gok can.

Stu: Yeah but he couldn't take a great picture of her.

Statto: Neither could you.

Stu: That's it, I'm going for a coffee!

Statto: Blimey, these minor celebs flounce off at anything